Thursday, September 9, 2010

Liar, Liar, Fat Pants on Fire

Confession Time.  I haven't been adjusting my weight ticker because I have GAINING weight, not losing.  Why is it so easy to pack on the pounds?  I love to eat.  I hate to exercise.  I guess that lays things out pretty plainly.  I've also "lied" in a sense because I put what I need to lose, but not how much I weigh.  Oh, the thought of it is mortifying, though I'm not sure why, as anyone who knows me can see that I'm clearly not supermodel skinny...or even plus size model-shaped.  Blah.

Two things have contributed harshly to my decision to fess up today and start anew...again.  I think I start anew at least once a week.  So pathetic.  Anyway, here are my reasons:  #1: Last night I was at Big Lots looking for a rug for my daughter's room.  A husband and wife were shopping close by, and she was prattling about her weight because he wanted to go grab dinner somewhere.  He looked directly at me, then "whispered" in a way that was not at all quiet, "Honey, you're the thinnest one in this store; I don't know what you're worried about."  OUCH.  So what did I do?  Decide to go home and jog?  No.  Grab a weight loss DVD on the way out?  Nope.  Call my husband and cancel our plans for pizza?  Wrong again.  I grabbed a jumbo box of nutty bars and slithered out.  Of course, when I got home and shared the story with my husband, I didn't come to my senses.  Instead I proceeded to devour 3 packs of the chocolatey/peanut buttery goodness.
Now, reason #2: My dear cousin Samantha, who I fondly call Sosa, has also gained some weight recently.  I mentioned her in a previous post; she was visiting and I was using her as an excuse to sabotage my diet.  I shared the story about how once upon a time we had lost a lot of weight together.  Here we are in 2006, about 3 months after I had my son. 
Both of us weighed about 130 pounds here and shared size 6 jeans.  We even wore bikinis that summer.  Together we monitored our diets and exercised like crazy together.  It was even FUN.  But then my husband returned from Korea and I moved away, and I started gaining weight again.  Sosa held onto her figure until very recently, but I've been battling the bulge for years now.  Here's a pic of Sosa and I taken just this past weekend.
Since the 2006 picture, Sosa has gained about 40 pounds and I have gained *gulp* 73 pounds.  73 pounds!!!  That's an entire anorexic person!!!  I always felt bad for those who were overweight.  I never made fun or thought them less of a person.  But I feel that way about myself.  Like I am handicapped in some way because I am overweight.  Like I am disgusting because I carry around extra pounds. 

So the journey begins....again.  Sosa and I have decided to return to our days of friendly competition and be the girls we want to be.  Sosa is joining a Biggest Loser program at her local YMCA.  My Y doesn't have the program, but I will be using the Biggest Loser Workout DVDs starting TODAY.  Also, I'm tracking what I eat on  Each day I plan to report on myself from the day before.  Did I exercise?  Did I drink enough water?  Did I stay within my points?  This creates obvious accountability for myself.
Each Thursday Sosa and I will reveal our weight loss for the week.  I am starting at.... (oh this is painful!)....203.4 pounds. 
So here we go!!

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